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CFS Poem : A Cry For Validation



A Cry For Validation
By
Gretchen Brooks Nassar


I Cry for validation,
Please...
I just need validation.
Agree with me, damn it!
I'm not okay.
Can't you see what's happening?
mucus in mouth, white coated tongue,
sleepless, wakeful nights...
None of this is alarming?


You notice none of it.
You question my motives
for illness
like CFS is some kind of criminal behavior.
But it's an invisible crime.

I sleep weird hours: no work, no routine
What you see are behavioral
oddities and not facts of my physical and emotional
changes.

You judge me,
I am wrong not to work
CFS a mere excuse
Well, ex---cuse me!
No one chooses illness
well...not consciously.

My illness is real, physical
an uncomfortable, uninvited entity.

Yes, I am befriending it.
Yes, CFS has changed my life.
I let it in now and it's not my enemy.
Sometimes I pretend it isn't a part of me, but
CFS and I are real!
Can't you see?
It’s validation I seek, validation, I need
I am not crazy.

Internally
strange molecules dance,
and destroy
my brain and emotions
I feel temporarily invaded.

Inexplicable rage; crazed
lady
lost in the parking lot;
dizzy disorientation.
Here I am seemingly overpowered
by miniscule chemicals.

You don't see them,
only I feel them.
Trust me, I know what I am feeling,
Trust me,
am I crazy?
Trust the raging banshee?

You don't see much,
not
even my struggles with disorientation and
debilitating fatigue.
You don't see me, only your memories, only your
skewed perceptions of my reality
are what you see.

Validation;
I need to be heard.
Validation;
I need to be understood.
I need to have someone say:
"Yes, your feelings are real, your symptoms are physiological
phenomena;
Yes, you have CFS.
I'm sorry you have CFS.
Can I help?
You have CFS,
what's that like?"

Validation
takes the pain of your judgment and denial all away.

I can forgive you.
I do forgive you.

You are blind, afraid to open your eyes.
denial freed you from responsibility, from feeling the need to do anything.

You are free to judge.
I'll find my peace, and I'll find others who believe
in me
and the reality of
my disease.

I'll find my peace.


Copyright 2004, Gretchen Brooks Nassar

 

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